Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
