I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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