I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
