Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
