My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
