What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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