She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
