Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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