Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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