You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
