you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
