So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We are two peas in an std pod
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Randomize
