so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
