So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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