so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You're a waste of cheezeits
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
