he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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