Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
