guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
