Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
