You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
