I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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