I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
