Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
