I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i dont even know how to be here
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
