I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
