You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
