So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
