Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is Oprah even human
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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