Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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