New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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