i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
