I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
