the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
