Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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