Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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