he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize