Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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