there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
