please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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