I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
