Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
