You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i came on her dog
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
