it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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