just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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