Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
