first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
