I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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