You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize