East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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