is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
