true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
