people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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