Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
