No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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