Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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