i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
