Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
