i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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