I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
