Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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