Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He did a backflip because drugs
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