i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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