I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
