I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
